Condolence: When I was three, Joey Sullivan became my first and very best friend. There were few preschools for kids in the 1950’s but we had Ding Dong School on television with Miss. Francis. Every day when she rang her bell that our time together had ended I would leave my home and walk a block down Ashbourne Road to Joey’s house and we would play all day. Mrs. Sullivan always welcomed me and we would play outside in the backyard digging in dirt, exploring the empty lot next door, making forts, climbing trees and running. I loved the Sullivan home; to me it was a castle and a place of mystery. Joey and I would hang out in what we called the secret passageway, which was a long closet with two doors on each end, which led from the dining room to the sun porch. There was an attic and a long dining table under which we would look at books and later actually read books. Sunlight would dapple through a bay of windows and to me those times were magic. I remember his Aunt Cappy and his brothers Walter, Tommy and Jimmy. Joe’s sister Mary sat on a bookcase in a high school photo. She was the only girl in the family and had lovely eyes and a dark brown pageboy. I never met her then but knew that she was in the convent.

In the evenings Mr. Sullivan would come home. He always wore a white shirt, dark suit and tie and would come into the sunroom to read his paper and relax after work. Joey always told me it was his Dad’s quiet time. I came from a loud and rambunctious family and this solitude would amaze me. I would frequently go into the sunroom and stare smiling at Mr. Sullivan. With luck, I would see an eye lift over the paper and at times; joy of joys would get a smile! And then I would leave…quickly.

Joe was the youngest in his family and I was the oldest of six. I loved the quiet of his home and I believe he enjoyed the noise and chaos of mine. Mrs. Sullivan and my Mom were friends. Joe and I were schoolmates at Our Lady of Lourdes for nine years. We were often in competition for being the smartest. And we were pretty good at being smart.

As we got a bit older our play changed. There was an empty lot near his house and we built forts. His older brother Jimmy often assisted. Jimmy was a friend and an annoying big brother at times. During one of those occasions when he was out of our favor, we decided to poison him. Joe got a water glass from his kitchen and we mixed mud and water and red berries into it. We then took it in to Mrs. Sullivan’s beautiful dining room and placed in on the table. The plan was that Jimmy would come in and think it was a delicious glass of chocolate milk and drink it! I believe we positioned these muddy messes two or three times on the table. Jimmy continued in great health, Mrs. Sullivan never mentioned it and fortunately our mutual life in crime ended. But mostly we walked, played hide and seek and baseball in my yard, Red Rover, Simon Says, Fox and Hounds, Witch, and Chicken on the subway tracks at the end of Ashbourne. We explored the open fields between the subway tracks and the train tracks and on our way home we’d rattle the outhouse of the spinster sisters who lived at the end of the road.. We spent Christmas eves together, he went on trips with my family and I do believe I taught him how to hop and how to play hopscotch successfully.

When his father passed away he spent that night in our home. He was bedded down in my brother Bill’s room but in the middle of the dark he came into my bunk bed crying and we held each other all night.

As we moved toward middle school, awkwardness took over. We no longer climbed trees together or played together. He continued to spend time at our house but often with my brother. One day around our 12th or 13th year, in a hot Rochester summer, he came into our house through the back door, put his arms around me, kissed me on the lips and left. With this, our childhood friendship ended. He was the first boy I ever slept with and ever kissed in that order. We were so innocent then, but a girl does not forget these things.

His family moved. We went to different high schools, and we went on to have families and work and other life experiences. I understand that at times, Joe was complicated and had to hang out with a few of his demons. I have heard from others about his pride in his daughter. I also thought that I would see him again.

I have been blessed with great friends and children and lots of love in my life. But having a friend like Joe in my childhood was the foundation for that future. It was impossible not to love him my whole life for that gift. I feel so sad at his passing; so sad that he walked through some darkness and so sad I couldn’t tell him of the gifts he brought to me.

My sincere condolences go to daughter and family. Joan Heagney Neville - Seattle

Condolence: So very sorry for your loss. Joe will be surely missed.